Here I will review a number of practices to enhance the awareness leading to deeper orgasmic experiences. This post is a follow-up to my previous article, ( “becoming a multi-orgasmic man” ) where I describe how a shift of focus is the main key to experience deep orgasmic states.
The key to orgasm: Sex is not something I do to have an orgasm
Looking at sex as something I do to have an orgasm (especially the ejaculatory one) makes orgasm less accessible to me. I simply start to act without any objective in mind and stay present with what is. What I observe by being more present with my Love making is my addiction towards peak orgasm. As soon as my energy starts to build in the pelvis, my body is running on autopilot, wanting more. More movement, more pleasure, more tension. This drive towards more deprives me of what I already have, from what is present, sending me into discontent.
It was often the case in my early practice of continence that sexual energy generated through Lovemaking would be channeled towards frustration (of not having orgasm), anxiety (of not being a good performer, not being able to give my partner orgasm) anger (at my partner for wanting to stop Lovemaking when I wanted to go on…). This experience (in addition to understanding that I am responsible for choosing my emotions) made me realize that sexual energy was no different than any other form of energy, and that if it could turn to frustration, anxiety and anger. It could also be directed towards joy, creativity, gratitude, celebration and, of the course, the will to Love.
The following 9 keys really helped me change the focus in my practice:
1. Relaxation. As my body tenses with the increase of sexual energy, I remain consciously relaxed in all parts of my body and specifically in the legs. This relaxation can be supported with (self) caressing, further allowing energy to pervade all parts of the body and not be concentrated and stuck in some specific areas. Relaxation also reduces the risk of uncontrolled ejaculation.
2. Focus is very important. While making love or self pleasuring, I often stop all movement and observe what is really happening in my body. Allow the ongoing experience to unfold, amplify it with your mind if you can, and give in to a complete surrender of what is happening. Awareness and energy follow the point of focus, increasing the sensations you perceive.
3. Breathing cycles. Breathing is the major key. I breathe through the nose and also through the mouth. I breathe with different patterns, making sounds while breathing--the more free, the more wild, the more unusual, the better. Allow the whole experience to go through you, without concern for the neighbours. One particularly efficient breathing technique done in sync with a partner, uses visualisation to scoop energy from the pelvis on the inhale and bring it to the heart for the exhale. Not only does this reduce tension in the pelvis, it also creates a field of Love that engulfs me and my lover for a mind-blowing heart-gasm.
4. Opening of the body. QiGong and Yoga practice majorly helped me to sustain higher levels of energy in the body. When my body is stiff and blocked, it limits my experience of orgasm. Softening, stretching and toning the muscles, massaging the abdomen, opening the joints and giving particular care to the spine are important ways to open the body. When the physical body is a well oiled machine, energy travels through it easily.
5. Kundalini, Qigong or energetic yoga. These forms of practice place the focus on movement of energy more so than the physical / athletic part of the movement or pose. In this way, they allow for a greater awareness towards energy that is of direct benefit during Lovemaking.
6. Orgasm yoga. I just made up that name. By orgasm yoga I refer to an alternative practice of self pleasuring and specific yoga poses or actions. In short, I bring myself to the edge of orgasm just before a pose and observe the energy moving from my pelvis to various parts of my body depending on the pose and the point of focus. I will repeat this many times during my practice.
7. Self Pleasure. This is a game changer. I used to look down on self pleasure compared to making love with a partner. This view has changed with the practice of continence. It is easier to remain continent while self pleasuring (compared to lovemaking with an attractive partner). When self pleasuring you do not have to take care of anyone. You do not need to understand where your partner is or what they are going through. It makes it much easier to be aware of what is happening in your own body. I say Self pleasure is an act of Self Love.
8. Anal massages. Inquiry into our sexual energy requires a truly open mind, and for many the anal region is a limit to opening. In my experience many men are happy to give anal sex to their partner but freeze at the idea of being on the receiving end. Bear with me for a moment, and at least consider the idea with no obligation to actually start today. Anal massage allows for huge amounts of energy to be released into the system and provides for powerful experiences, including massage of the prostate gland for example, sometimes called the male G Spot. Some of my most powerful orgasmic states have been reached through a combined practice of self pleasuring and anal massage.
9. Practice with an open mind. Nothing can replace practice. Reading books on tantra did not make much difference for me. Most discoveries I made alone while practicing with awareness and asking my body to show me what to do while keeping an open mind. An open mind is not looking for what it already knows. It stays open to allow what it does not know to come forth. That shift alone brings forth a lot of transformation.
These 9 keys have been the most consistent form of support in my experience, among the myriad techniques I have played with. I would encourage anyone who is interested to expand their sexual energy to spend time doing their own research. Sexuality is a profound and very transformative field of experiment. It can be a powerful tool for transformation that brings nothing less than Divine awareness.
Infinite Love, Deva