If, like me, you are interested in Sexuality, you cannot have missed the recent explosion of women's circles and goddess empowerment workshops helping women to reconnect with their sexual and feminine power.
In these workshops one learns the multiplicity of possibility for the women’s orgasm. From clitoral to cervical to G spot. For men it can be quite depressing as it may seem that we have to accept that our orgasmic life is dull in the face of the woman's orgasmic capacity and versatility.
In my experience as a man, nothing can be further from the truth.
A little over 3 years ago I started the practice of male continence*. It has been a demanding path, frustrating at times, with many questions and few answers due to the limited information available, the small number of men practicing continence and the lack of men’s groups to share around sexuality in general.
I feel that what I have discovered for myself may be of help to any men and also to women who are on this journey with their male partner.
Peak Orgasm and Orgasmic States
Looking back, the major challenge I had to overcome was the challenge of definition. Until my decision to practice male continence, my experience of orgasm was linked to the ejaculatory orgasm alone. While I stopped ejaculation to master my sexual energy and allow for the possibility of a non-ejaculatory orgasm, I was still looking for an orgasmic experience similar to what I had associated with ejaculatory orgasm.
I was looking in the wrong direction. Non-ejaculatory orgasms, in my experience, are completely different in nature. In fact I would prefer to use “peak orgasm” for the ejaculatory orgasm and “orgasmic states” for non-ejaculatory orgasm.
While ejaculatory orgasm is a peak experience, like an explosion, intense and short in nature, “orgasmic states” are slowly building up in intensity with time, experience and awareness. When ejaculatory orgasm leaves me relaxed but also depleted and wanting to sleep, orgasmic states leave me energised, awake, super-powered, needing less sleep and less food.
Awareness is key, and by looking in the wrong direction, I realize that it is very probable that I experienced orgasmic states long before I was aware of it. Energy in the body follows consciousness and by looking at the wrong place, the energy that could be used to increase the intensity of my orgasmic experience was used to feed something else, including the frustration of not experiencing peak orgasm.
Here is an attempt to describe some orgasms that I have experienced. The fact that the experience is very different each time is an indication of the wealth of sensation that can be unveiled. The classification under is proposed for the sake of clarity alone. These experiences can happen separately, yet most often they are happening at the same time in various degrees of intensity.
The Energetic orgasm
This orgasm is like a crescendo of tingling and shivering sensations observed and felt throughout the body. In fact, with enough awareness, I can feel this sensation is always present in the body, at a low intensity. To amplify it to orgasmic levels requires stimulation, sexual or not, and mostly a lot of presence (the contrary to distraction) with the experience.
The Shaking orgasm
In this orgasm, the shaking, like an unending series of powerful jolts, starts from the pelvic area more often and expands in waves to the the whole body. When I experienced this shaking initially, I would tend to stop it by fear of looking weird. On the contrary, allowing or even amplifying this experience brings great release. I can have this kind of orgasm without having sex like after some intense physical work or certain Kundalini Yoga or QiGong practices.
The Oozing orgasm
This orgasm offers a sensation similar to a warm fluid pervading my body, often arising along the spine. When this experience is strong enough to flood my entire body, my mind blanks, the breath stops or become very faint, and I feel a deep and very peaceful cosmic-like relaxation. It feels like dissolving into nothingness. I have also experienced this in Meditation, in breathing practices and yoga kriya.
I can experience all these orgasms without having sex, through energetic practices, through yoga or QiGong, through intense workout or intense emotions. I can also experience them in self pleasuring, sometimes even easier than with a partner. I can feel their effect a long time after their point of maximum intensity and they leave my nervous system deeply relaxed yet awake. Another noticeable aspect is that they can feel very different from one experience to another.
Non-ejaculatory orgasm appeared less intense at first yet lasted much longer, and I could repeat them time after time. In fact, their effect lasts long enough to be felt throughout the day and it is often possible to call them back into activation with my mind and breath alone.
Awareness is key. All subtle sensations can easily be overlooked. They are numbed by stimulants like coffee, drugs or alcohol, hidden behind stress, worry and emotional unbalance, and highly affected by music, diet and lifestyle. Paying attention to what is happening in my body has been paramount. No awareness or focus, no orgasm -- it's as simple as that. In fact, I will dare to say that all the practices that have led me to powerful orgasm have one thing in common: the intensity of the awareness they brought me to experience, to the point that I believe (and I am not alone) that ultimately orgasm is the result of a very high degree of acute awareness. In this way I feel I can have an orgasm doing any activity that would bring that level of intensity in awareness.
With Infinite Love, Deva
* Ejaculation and orgasm are two different processes often confused as one. Ejaculation requires the body to contract, whereas orgasm requires the body to relax. It is possible to separate and experience ejaculation without orgasm (frequent) and orgasm without ejaculation (more rare without training). It is extremely beneficial to train towards experiencing orgasm without ejaculation, a practice called continence. This can be achieved with muscle training, breathing techniques and concentration.